Facebook:: Suck It, Status Change

"If you can't be friends face to face, then you should not be friends on MySpace"

So, I am aware - MySpace is SUPER outdated, and that only perverts, starving artists, and 12 year olds are on there anymore. But, my slogan would not work with Facebook, so there you have it.



Everyone, and (now literally) their mom has a Facebook Profile. Despite the fact that Facebook is the perfect balance of a complete waste of time and shameless self promotion, it is also a very useful tool on keeping tabs on people. You know what they are doing, where they have been, who they are hanging out with. And, now with more social media websites popping up, its even easier to know where someone is. Share a cell phone plan with a significant other? Don't worry, you can GPS track them. Or check their texts online. It's very scary, that in this day and age, a computer hooked up to the internet can get you more knowledge about a person than you will ever need. Your ex can become as stealthful as a CIA agent - and that's WITHOUT the government handing him a file with your name on it. How do you extract the 1000+ photos, and the 746 friends you mutually share on facebook? Oh, its a challange, but can be done. But first, lets address the ever-so-dreaded Facebook RELATIONSHIP STATUS CHANGE.

Ending your "relationship" on facebook is potentially the most dreaded and feared action you must take in order to begin extracting your virtual life with someone. If I can offer advise before divulging into this portion of this post, I would like to tell people to NEVER PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOK. I would like to repeat this - NEVER PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOK. Just leave it blank. No one needs to know if you are "Single" or "In A Relationship" or "It's Complicated". JUST LEAVE IT BLANK. Now, if you made the mistake I did on putting your relationship status on your profile, it is very easy to descreetly remove it. (The below instructions work for Facebook as of September 13th, 2010)

• Login to Facebook
• Go to Account - Privacy Settings
• Click "Customize Settings"
• Under "Things I Share", change "Relationships" to "Customize Settings" and Select "Only Me"

Once you change your status to "Only Me", you can then go to your profile and click on your "Info" tab. Once under the "Info" tab, click the Edit button. This will then lead you to a screen where you can choose "Relationships" and change your box to blank, or single, or whatever you prefer. Easy, right?

Haha, LOL, JK, ROFL, LMAO, did I say easy? I meant heart-wrenching and gut-punching. Go ahead, cry. Feel free to let it out for a couple of minutes. You just ended your virtual and real relationship with someone. Sometimes it does not seem like such a reality that you are actually done with someone, until you see it in writing. I know it hit me harder than I thought it would to change that status, but this will affect everyone differently. Just do us all a favor, and don't take out your sadness or aggression on the computer. You will thank me later when you are not having to purchase a new lap/desktop for $500+. You have to save that money for things like moving expenses, or private detectives.